In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
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She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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