So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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