We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
