i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
