My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
