Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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