I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
