Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
