why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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