Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
