so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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