He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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