oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
