i would punch a child for taco bell
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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