You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
