I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
