I murdered the dance floor call the cops
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
