the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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