Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
