Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You made out with two different species that night
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
