I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
