I CAN MOONWALK!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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