my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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