i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
