she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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