I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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