I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
no, he came in my armpit
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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