plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
