Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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