and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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