I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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