It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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