Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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