Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
