So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
