It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
