I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
