Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
