I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
