im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
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I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
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Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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