I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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