you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
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Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize