I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
