I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
