Where is the hickey?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
