My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
