the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
