You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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