so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
