I just saw a hot homeless man
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
