I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
