It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
