Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
