I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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