I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
