I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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