I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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