PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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