smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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