At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
