Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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