I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize