So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
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