just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
