spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé