did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.