I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet