Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(216): View more from Ohio

thus making me awesome and them whores

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(216): thus making me awesome and them whores http://tfl.nu/kdn8

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(706): View more from Georgia

Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn

(706): View more from Georgia

And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her

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(706): Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn (706): And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her http://tfl.nu/b039

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.

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(401): Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex. http://tfl.nu/0okh

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(850): View more from Florida

the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...

(1-850): View more from Florida

that makes sense.

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(850): the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you... (1-850): that makes sense. http://tfl.nu/5jmk

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(224): View more from Illinois

Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?

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(224): Can you put "designated driver" on a resume? http://tfl.nu/qu7s

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(313): View more from Michigan

Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.

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(313): Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ. http://tfl.nu/xfic

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(662): View more from Mississippi

I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics

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(662): I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics http://tfl.nu/lc06

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(801): View more from Utah

he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.

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(801): he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages. http://tfl.nu/yro9

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.

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(405): She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together. http://tfl.nu/gjnv

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(702): View more from Nevada

He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...

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(702): He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried... http://tfl.nu/88kq

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(334): View more from Alabama

I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.

(1-334): View more from Alabama

Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.

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(334): I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does. (1-334): Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers. http://tfl.nu/3563

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(+61): View more from Australia

He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.

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(+61): He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him. http://tfl.nu/9g1s

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(443): View more from Maryland

We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy

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(443): We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy http://tfl.nu/feuw

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(410): View more from Maryland

You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails

(1-410): View more from Maryland

I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"

(1-410): View more from Maryland

The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"

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(410): You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails (1-410): I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling" (1-410): The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself" http://tfl.nu/79pq

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(+61): View more from Australia

We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house

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(+61): We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house http://tfl.nu/x0d1

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