She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
