Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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