Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
