I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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